Dealing with Busyness

Luke 10:38-42"Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus'* feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me." And Jesus* answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." NKJV

I was driving around this afternoon, running errands for this and that, picking up the kids then taking the kids here and dropping them off there. Now that I have teenagers I think I spend more time in my car now than ever.As I was coming home I thought about the story of Martha and Mary and how the topic of sitting at the Lords feet rather than works has been coming up a lot lately. Hmmm....gee

I wonder if God is trying to send me a message? Well, one thought did come to mind. When I was thinking about Martha, I realized that faith without deeds is dead but Jesus said that one thing was needed and Mary chose the good part and it will not be taken away from her. So I asked myself, "Where is the balance between being a Mary and a Martha?"What I love about God's Word is when you look at the heart of what the scriptures are really saying, you will find that it makes so much sense and it also brings clarity. For example, If you look at the passage again, Martha was doing a noble thing. She was preparing a meal for Jesus and His disciples.

Remember in those days they did not have microwave ovens, electric stoves and a supe
rmarket to buy fresh bread. Everything had to be handmade from scratch and most likely took hours to prepare.So in looking back in time, asking Mary for a little help would have been reasonable. The wonderful thing about Jesus was that He knew how hard Martha was working in the kitchen and also knew that she probably did need help but saw Mary's heart as an opportunity to display His will rather than Martha's will. He wanted them both to know and understand that sitting at His feet was more important to Him than serving Him food. As you read on you will see that the food Jesus desires doesn't come from human hands.

Do you remember the story of the woman at the well? After Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman he told His disciples that His food was to do the will of His Father. His ministering to the woman at the well was His sustenance; it nourished Him and made Him full. We don't realize how important to God we are. Yes, we do know that He loves us and died for us but for some reason it seems as though that concept doesn't register in our minds what the height, depth and width of His love for us really is.

We forget that this world is passing away and we get so caught up in this life with so many things and neglect what really matters most which is our personal relationship with Jesus. We read the bible for 15 minutes and call it a day instead of meditating on His Word or His Love all day long. We'll choose to watch a two hour movie but spending a half hour in prayer is too long for us. We go here and we go there but never stop to give God our thanks and praise.All the while, He is there just waiting patiently for us to remember Him in the midst of our busy lives. But Mary's heart is what blessed Him. He saw that she just wanted to inhale anything that came out of His mouth. She was so grateful and thankful to Have Him there in her house that she didn't care about anything else but being right there at His feet.

So what was the question again? It was how do we find the balance between being a Mary and Martha?

Jesus set the tone with His response to Martha by saying that she was distracted by much serving. The key word here is "distracted". What's interesting is the word used in the Hebrew is "Perispao" in our English language it is, "cumber" which means hindered by being in the way. In other words Martha's busyness and serving was actually hindering her and getting in the way of her relationship with Jesus.My questions to you is, "Is your service or busyness keeping you or getting in the way of you having a deep and intimate relationship with Jesus?"

Jesus also said that Mary chose that good part and it will not be taken away from her. The word part also means portion. He was making a distinction between Martha's serving and Mary's sitting. In our relationship with Jesus we are created to serve Him and Glorify God and we are also called to sit at His Feet and receive from Him. But Jesus makes it very clear which part comes first. Martha's desire to feed and serve Jesus was indeed a blessing, but Mary's sitting and receiving from Jesus was the one thing that was needed and it will never be taken away from her because she chose that good part. So the message here is that before we go out to serve the Lord, we must first sit and receive from Him because it is He that enables us and empowers us to do His good and perfect work here on earth.

Rom 9:16"So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. "NKJV

Remember that Jesus's food was to do the will of His father by making Himself real to the people that God brought to Him by feeding them with His Word. Do you see how when we come to Jesus and allow Jesus to feed us His Word that He is fed also and so are we?

Rev 3:20Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.NKJV

So the next time you find yourself being a Martha, don't forget to ask yourself if you are first being a Mary. Invite Him in and allow Him to feed you with His Word and in the midst of your busyness you will find peace and joy because you dine with your Lord and King who sustains you and makes you full. For the bible says that He will satisfy us.

Last question: Are you dining with Him? If not, He stands at the door knocking and waiting for you to open the door of your heart. Allow Him to come in and dine with you and you with Him.

Filoiann Wiedenhoff is a Pastor's Wife, Woman's Biblical Counselor, Bible Teacher, Writer and Columnist. You can view her website on http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with Anxiety

Renewing Your Mind

Do you struggle with Anxiety? I want to encourage you that you are not alone. It is more common than people realize. First we want to look at what anxiety is before we can address how to deal with anxiety. A summarized definition of anxiety is: Having a uneasy, overwhelmed, apprehensive, fearful, concerned, and worrisome state of mind with the feeling of inadequacy to cope.

Anxiety also affects us internally to where we can become physically ill if untreated. There are different levels of anxiety but we will be dealing with anxiety in general. If you feel you are dealing with severe anxiety I encourage you to see a doctor who can give you a full diagnosis.

Now that we have established what anxiety is, we now have to look at the core of the problem which is what causes anxiety. The key of understanding the cause for anxiety is in the above summarized definition which is that it is a “state of mind”. The root of having any particular state of mind begins with our thoughts. Our thoughts whether good or bad lead our mind into a direction, and how much thought that goes into that particular direction affects not only our minds, but our point of view, our feelings and our emotions and that can then turn into our actions or reactions.

For example; A professional NFL football player injures his knee and was told that he had to sit out for a few football games to heal. His mind went from sitting out a few games to the coach putting him on second string to he’s going to be fired from the NFL to he’s going to lose his car and his house because he can’t pay the bills to his wife will probably leave him and take his children to he’ll be alone and homeless with no one around.

This poor guy went from hearing that he needed to sit out a few games and let his mind roam to him being homeless and lonely living off the streets. all over a matter of a few minutes. He allowed negative self talk scenarios lead him down a path that caused him to be anxiety filled and panic stricken. Although this is an extreme example this situation is more common than we want to admit.

So how can we deal with anxiety and negative self talk scenarios that lead us to anxiety? We can start off by accepting the fact that we need to re-program our minds on how we respond to the negative thoughts that enter in and practice using tools through the Word of God to combat those thoughts.

To begin, always begin with prayer and ask God to help you through what ever trial you are going through so remember to pray before during and after. (Phillipians.4:6-7)

I’m going to share helpful tools on how you can prevent those thoughts from turning into anxiety. Here are five preventative measures you can use:

1. Restrain your Thoughts: When the wrong thoughts come into our minds that are negative and untrue, we are to remove them and take them captive by not allowing them to run free but restrain and remove them by not entertaining or dwelling on them. Simply put “Don’t Go There!” (2 Cor 10:5-6)

2. Redirect Your Thinking: Redirecting your thoughts means to change your thoughts that are not true and negative to thoughts that are true and biblical as it is said in (Phillipians 4:8) This passage says to think thoughts that are noble, right, pure, lovely etc…. Memorize this scripture and ask yourself if your thoughts are true or are they being carried away in the negative self talk scenarios. Re-direct your thoughts to the Word of God and your mindset will begin to change. (Phil 4:8)

3. Renew Your Mind: With any habit we want to change we not only need to stop the cycle but replace the bad habit with a good habit. This is where we practice renewing our minds by memorizing scripture and replacing negative thoughts with thoughts that are edifying, pure, holy etc….We need to replace those thoughts with thoughts that are true through scripture memorization as mentioned in #1 by reciting a scripture or by spending time in the Word. It’s amazing how our thoughts can change when we read scripture. Renewing our minds takes constant practice but as we create a new habit we will find the old one is left far behind and far away from us. (Romans 12:2)

4. Redefine your Priorities: One other issue that causes anxiety is feeling overwhelmed by too many tasks or thoughts at once. To help alleviate this problem; you can sit down and write it out 1. What’s a real problem and what’s not. 2. Sort out your concerns and prioritize them. 3. Weed out what’s not important by either delegating it or putting it on a separate list to do. 4. Narrow down your list and focus on one task at a time and do the most important ones first.

Focusing on one task at a time will help you to not feel so overwhelmed and at the same time will organize your thoughts as well as your tasks into a doable plan and help you regain your ability to cope.

5. Carry it Out: Now that you know that these thoughts are not good and do harm you need to follow through with what you know is true and take them captive, remove them, don’t entertain them and replace them with good and pure thoughts. Changing our behavior takes practice and as you work on this faithfully you will have a new habit and renewed mind before you know it. (James 1:25)

If you do these things with prayer and by faith God will provide His strength in the midst of your weakness and give you the power to overcome for our victory comes from Him.

Scripture References:

(2 Cor 10:5-6) “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thobught to make it obedient to Christ.”

(Phil 4:8) “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.”

(Romans 12:2) “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will”

(James 1:25) “But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it — he will be blessed in what he does.”

Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with Feelings of Inadequacy

Knowing and Understanding Christ’s Sufficiency

As a Christian do you feel inadequate? Unless you are superman I can assume that everyone at one time or another feels inadequate in something. It has to be true because we are all gifted and talented in different areas but not everyone is perfect in all areas accept God.

God made us unique and different and gave us unique talents, gifts, abilities and also he gave us unique families, backgrounds and experiences that make us who we are today.

That is because God purposely and divinely made us unique for a reason. One reason I believe is so that we would learn to work together, needing each other and helping one another as one unit and one body with Christ as the head.

If our body only had feet we could walk but we couldn’t grab or pick up things and the same with all hands. We could hold things, grab things but we couldn’t get anywhere without feet and you get my drift.

So what does this have to do with feeling inadequate? I’m giving you a visual demonstration that what you might perceive as adequate in someone else may be true but what you don’t see is everyone has inadequacies in something because we are not perfect, no one is.

The bible says we “all” fall short of the glory of God. Do you know what “All” in the Greek and Hebrew mean? It means “All”. It means that no one is righteous no not one. We are all born sinful from the day Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden we as their offspring inherited their sin and sinful nature.

It’s important you understand this reality because without this understanding that we are sinful people and born inadequate you will never see the need for Christ’s sufficiency. His whole purpose to be born was to die as a pure and perfect sacrifice.

Christ’s life, death and resurrection fulfilled God’s requirement of Holiness and gave us the bridge back to God. Through Christ we have redemption and salvation. Not of ourselves that no man can boast but by grace through faith we have been saved.

So now that I have laid the foundation that our inadequacy cannot be fulfilled on our own and that true sufficiency comes from Christ and Christ alone who makes us adequate, I can share some tips on how to receive this in your hearts and believe it by faith.

Accept that you can’t: Understanding that we can't do it on our own, we need Christ's power to help us. Also, that our inadequacy is part of who we are as sinful man or woman and to see ourselves soberly before God. We are not to look down on ourselves because in Christ we are precious and valuable but to view ourselves as one in need of Christ’s sufficiency. The bible says that apart from Him we can do nothing but we can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens us. Christ is our sufficiency.

Acknowledge that He Can: Acknowledging also means proclaiming and believing something to be true as in a testimony, that God through Christ has made us sufficient. We no longer stand in our own righteousness because our righteousness is filthy rags, but we stand in Christ’s righteousness, which is enough.

Act in Faith that He Already Has: Understanding we are sufficient in Christ is believing this truth by faith. That we can’t but God can and working in us and through us according to His will through the Holy Spirit. The bible also says that we have been given “everything” for a life of godliness through Christ Jesus. Believe it and receive it by faith.

Rest in Him: The bible also says that we are to come to Him all who are weary and burdened and He will give us rest. As we remember that we no longer have to strive but to rest in Him and His righteousness we can be confident in not only His power but His love and His sufficiency that Jesus really is enough!

When I myself look at my inadequacies, I have to take my eyes off of myself and put them back on Christ. I have to remember that I’m not perfect but Christ’s perfection and grace is sufficient for me and I also have to remind myself that when I am weak then I am strong because Christ’s power rests upon me. Having this understanding empowers me to walk in Him, walk in His spirit and walk in His Holiness because it’s not me but Christ living in me!

I hope these words have encouraged you as it did me to rest in Christ’s sufficiency and when you are experiencing those feelings of inadequacy, accept that you can’t but God can and has in you and through you and that His grace is sufficient for you and that you can rest confidently in Him.

If you are reading this and you don’t know Jesus, know that Jesus knows you and desires to have a personal relationship with you and give you His salvation and His sufficiency.

Receive him in your heart today, it will be the most important decision you have ever made. Read my testimony on my website and also instructions on how to receive salvation.


Scripture References


2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” NIV

John 15:1-8
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes a so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8 This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” NIV

Ephesians 2:8-10
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” NIV

Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with Un-Forgiveness and Bitterness

Release it and Let it Go...

I don’t think there is one adult that hasn’t had to deal with this all too common issue, “Un-Forgiveness’. I myself have had to deal with this very thing many times in my own life and each time it was not easy. So what is un-forgiveness? Well, in order to understand what un-forgiveness is we have to understand what it isn’t.

The Webster’s Dictionary definition for “forgive” is: To give up or cease to feel resentment, to grant relief from payment and/or to pardon which means to excuse an offense without exacting penalty.

When you are forgiving someone you are willing let go of the offense, any and all resentment and pardon or show mercy. When you choose not to forgive you are doing the exact opposite.

I’m going to share with you the harmful affects un-forgiveness can do to your life, along with reasons why you need to forgive and how to do it:

It’s Alive: When you store un-forgiveness or resentment in your heart it is like a seed that grows whether you are conscience of it or not. At first it starts out as anger, it then turns into resentment and then bitterness. It begins to affect your mind and thoughts and how you view and treat others.

It Spreads: As bitterness grows it hardens your heart and begins to spread into other areas of your life to where it eventually spills out of your mouth and can no longer be hidden from others.

It Changes You: If filled with bitterness for a long period of time you become a different person, you no longer can enjoy the blessings in your life and you are filled with anger and cynicism towards life and people. You become a different person, a person that is hard hearted and hard to love.

So how we do we deal with this issue? How can we forgive when we don’t want to or don’t feel like it? If you are feeling this way you are not alone. When dealing with un-forgiveness regardless of how we feel, we need to see ourselves and our situation soberly in light of God’s Word.

Here are four reasons why to forgive:

Freedom: By forgiving the person or the situation you are set free from the hurt and the pain of the past and no longer in bondage to it but able to move forward in your future.

Restoration: By forgiving you are able to be restored back to where you were before the incident happened but with more strength and wisdom from the experience. You are no longer hindered or held back by the past but can walk restored and redeemed.

Healing: By forgiving your own healing comes speedily and is able to experience joy again. You are no longer bound by your suffering or pain you are delivered and healed.

Peace: The bible says that if we do not forgive, God will not forgive us. (Matthew 6:14-15) In choosing not to forgive we are choosing to be disobedient to God and His Word and remain in sin. When you forgive you not only have peace within your own heart but you have peace with God.

Take a moment and evaluate your life situation and ask yourself truthfully if you are struggling with un-forgiveness or bitterness and also look at how it has already affected you, your heart, your attitude, your point of view and treatment of others or yourself. If you see that you are suffering from bitterness than for your own good I encourage you to seek forgiveness today and ask God to help you.

Here are five ways to help you forgive today:

Confess it God: By confessing it to God you are acknowledging that you were indeed hurt by this situation or person, but you realize that you need to forgive in spite of how you feel in order to be set-free, restored and healed and no longer in sin.

Allow Him to Comfort you: By allowing God to comfort you, you are re-establishing your relationship with Him. If you have been estranged from Him and need to repent with Him, confess that also and return to Him. God is a loving father who waits for His children’s return. The bible says that apart from God we can do nothing. We need Jesus to be restored and to forgive.

Forgive: This is where you take the step of faith and forgive. Remember what forgiveness means: To give up or cease to feel resentment, to grant relief from payment and/or to pardon which means to excuse an offense without exacting penalty. Forgiving is also willing to put it in the past in order to move forward.

Let it go: Once you have confessed it to God, you have forgiven the person or situation you can also ask God to help you let it go, and give it to God allowing Him to take it from you. The bible says to cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you. Letting it go is now a matter of faith.

Leave it there: Once you have forgiven by faith, let it go and released it to God, you must now also leave it in His capable hands by faith. Trusting God to take care of it and no longer worrying, thinking or holding on to it but releasing it over to Him once and for all.

The bible says that once God forgives us for our sins he casts it as far as the east is to the west remembering them no more. Yes for us it is easier said than done to forgive and forget in fact let’s be realistic that we usually don’t forget. Although God can forget our sins and remember them no more we have a memory that most of the time won’t let us forget.

But what this is referring to is that our heart is no longer remembering the hurt as though it happened yesterday but healed from it to a place that when we think of what happened or the painful situation that our heart no longer hurts. When your heart has moved beyond the hurt and is in a place of restoration you will remember but no longer in bondage to it you are now set free.

This part of the process will take some time but if you truly are forgiving and letting go you will experience relief from the pain and hope to move forward in your life and situation with joy again to live the abundant life that God has planned for you.

Another word of advice is to seek out fellowship and accountability for your healing process. Talk to your spouse, a good friend or church mentor to help you in your restoration process and continue to talk about it and allow God to comfort you during this process. It doesn’t happen over night but as you seek God through it, you will begin to receive the love He has for you and be restored.

If you are struggling with un-forgiveness or bitterness, seek Christ today and ask Him to help you release it to Him and follow the steps to let it go.

Remember that God is faithful and He will do it!
Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with Depression Part II

Taking what you have and put it into practice

In part I, I addressed how to deal with depression spiritually with the main concept of believing that Christ lives in your heart by faith and is right there with you, helping you and giving you power and strength to keep moving forward and persevere through the trials.

Before I do, if you are suffering from deep or severe depression or suffer frequently, I encourage you to see a doctor and get a doctor’s diagnosis on your condition. It may be treatable with hormones or medicine for chemical imbalance. It’s best to find out for sure.

So how do we apply believing Christ is in us to this trial or any trial? This knowledge is very important to our foundation because it builds on the fact that we can’t but God can. That though we are new creations we still need Christ power to experience any real change. So when we are at our weakest we can believe that God is at His best and we can turn to Him daily and moment by moment to give us strength in our hour and time of need.

In this article I am going to address how to use that knowledge to put it into practical use in dealing with depression.

Here they are as follows:

1. Spend Time with God: During our hard times we need to draw near to God and the bible says He will draw near to us. Spend daily quiet time with God and allow God’s Word to encourage your heart.

2. Read Psalms and Proverbs: During your quiet time read some extra verses in Psalms and Proverbs. Reading on God’s Faithfulness and His love for us is always encouraging to the soul.

3. Spend Time in Prayer: I usually like to pray silently through out the day, especially starting in the mornings before my quiet time and ask God to strengthen me and help me persevere through my day when I’m having a hard day.

4. Talk about It: Talking to someone and expressing how you are feeling inside is always helpful to getting our feelings out and not keeping them bottled up inside. Don’t be ashamed to ask someone to pray for you. Having someone pray for you is always encouraging.

5. Take a walk: Getting out and taking a walk releases endorphins that energize the body and make you feel happier. You can exercise also to release stress or anxiety too. (Read my Dealing with Anxiety article)

6. Get out of the house: Take a drive or visiting with a friend or family member is always a good idea, especially when you feel like you want to isolate. Isolation can lead to deeper depression and morbid thoughts so stay conscience and aware of isolating and try to avoid it as much as possible.

7. Journal your thoughts: If you are restless or need help releasing your feelings or emotions try to journal. When you spend quiet time try journaling and write down how you are feeling that day and what scriptures ministered to you and how and even what you need help with from God. Sometimes my best prayers are when I’m being totally honest with God about how I’m feeling and asking Him to help me. I’m always encouraged afterwards because I believe by faith he cares for me and that He heard my cries.

8. Encourage Someone Else: When you are feeling your lowest, take a moment to think of someone you might know that needs your comfort, a phone call, help with something and reach out to them. Sometimes the best medicine is ministering to someone else who could use your help. Not as a works but sincerely. This not only blesses the other person but blesses you also because you are not thinking about yourself but someone else. It takes your mind off of you and on to someone else who needed your help.

9. Pray for Someone Else: Make a list of people you can pray for and begin to pray earnestly for them. This is another form of reaching out but with less physical contact. Praying for others put’s your mind and your heart on others and their needs and will take your mind off of yourself. It may not cure you of depression but it will surely give your mind a break and peace of mind with God.

10. Seek out Accountability: Have either your spouse, family member or friend be your accountability partner. What that means is to let them know you are going through this struggle and to have them call you every so often to check in on you and also so that you can call them whenever you need encouragement or prayer. This will help you to not isolate and not feel you are alone in your suffering.

11. Repent if in Sin: I know that it sounds awkward but one of the causes for depression as a Christian is if we are walking in sin. NOTE: I’m not saying all depression comes from sin. But sometimes we will feel depressed or become depressed because of sin. Pray and ask God to reveal if there is any un-confessed sin in your life and repent which means to change your mind about doing that sin and turn back or return to God. Confess your sin and the bible says God is faithful to forgive you and turn away from that sinful act and return back to God as your savior and heavenly father. God is faithful and He will do it.

12. Stay in Fellowship: When we are feeling bad or depressed we also want to avoid groups of people. If you are in a bible study or home fellowship group it is important that you continue to keep going. It will help you to stay in fellowship and also you can have your group pray for you and encourage you. I find that when I’m feeling my worst the bible teaching is always perfect for me that day and I needed to hear it. So go expecting God to bless you because you came to meet Him there.

Keep in mind that when depression overcomes you, your mind is consumed about you and anytime you can refocus your mind onto other things, people, situations it will give you some relief.

These helps will also keep you active during your depression and help you to stay in fellowship with God and with others. Again, continue to go to the meetings, bible studies, activities and persevere through the pain and God will bring you relief as you hang in there and work through it.

I hope these simple but effective tips will give you more food for thought the next time you encounter depression and remember to seek out a doctor’s advice.

Whatever you do, Please do not try to numb the depression with pain medicine unless it is doctor recommended. It is important that you face the situation and work through it rather than numb it. Also, numbing can also prolong the recovery process. Give your pain over to God and ask Him to take your burdens and your cares for He cares for you!

Scripture References:

Ps 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.” NIV

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.“NIV

1 Peter 5:8-11 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” NIV

Matt 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." NIV

Heb 4:16 “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” NIV
Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Photo provided by Silvo81/flickr

Dealing with Depression Part I

Christ in You, the Hope of Glory

I don’t think that I could continue to write “How to Deal” articles without dealing with depression. I understand that no one wants to talk about this issue much less read about it but I felt I needed to address this for the simple fact that it is one of the most common issues world wide. I personally have experienced it and know plenty of people who also experience it on a daily basis so it is comforting to know that if you are experiencing depression you are definitely not alone.

There are different causes of depression such as; chemical, hormonal, trauma and sin. Since I am not a doctor I will address depression biblically with some practical ways to help people deal with depression regardless of what the cause may be.

In this article I hope to address this issue biblically first laying a solid foundation on Christ as our rock and our strength and in “How to Deal with Depression Part II” I will address the practical side to help you work through the depression.

The hard part about depression is that it affects your feelings and emotions and if you are one that is driven by your feelings and emotions or have a hard time in controlling them, it is that much harder to deal with. So what can we do about it?

First I want to share with you a couple important people in the bible who also experienced depression at one time or another, such as: King David when he wrote some of the psalms and Elijah when he ran from Jezebel, collapsed by a tree and wanted to die. I encourage you to read the story of Elijah and how the Angel of the Lord would come to him and feed him while he was exhausted without any food or hope.

In both instances God was with them and never left them. Yes they experienced grief and times of sorrow but they also experienced victory and times of celebration and God loved them and took care of them.

Let’s take a look at a passage from the bible that deals with this particular situation.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. “NIV

As we look at these passages it may describe symptoms of depression such as;

Hard pressed on every side: To feel overwhelmed or under a lot of pressure by your situation. Every where you turn it seems as though things are not working out or going wrong and you feel like the world is caving in on you.

Perplexed: To be filled with uncertainty, difficulty, puzzled. It usually occurs when a traumatic situation happens and your initial response is to feel numb, confused, you feel weak at the knees as though you have no strength and at the same time frozen as if you can’t move.

Persecuted: To receive punishment, grief, affliction and suffering for a cause or belief.

Struck Down: To feel attacked, humiliated, put down, demeaned, brought down low. Feelings of unworthiness, hopelessness or condemned.

Can you relate to any of these feelings or symptoms? Let’s look at what Paul says to address each one.

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed.
We are perplexed but not in despair.
Persecuted but not abandoned.
Struck down but not destroyed.

To recap what the Apostle Paul is saying here is that although we are going through these situations we are not crushed, in despair, abandoned or destroyed. Why does he say this? The key is in the prior verse 7 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us”

Paul is explaining that this treasure that is in jars of clay which is all surpassing power from God and not from us is what keeps us from being utterly destroyed. The treasure he is talking about is Christ through the Holy Spirit and the jars of clay are our bodies. He is referring to Christ who lives in our hearts by faith empowers us with all surpassing power that comes from Him and not from us.

So how does this happen? If you are a born again believer the bible says you are new creation in Christ, that He lives in your heart by faith and that through the Holy Spirit Christ lives in you. If Christ lives in you then He also lives through you and lives for you.

Gal 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. “NIV

So what is Paul saying in plain English here? He is saying, that you will go through trials BUT you have a treasure within your heart which is Christ living in you by faith through the Holy Spirit that empowers you preserves you to endure being hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted and struck down. That it is not of yourself so no one can boast but of God and comes from God.

A great example in the bible is when Daniel, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into the fire; as the soldiers looked in there were four walking around in the fire not three. Although God allowed them to be thrown into the fire, God was right there in the fire with them and they survived the fire with no burns at all. It’s important to note that God does not promise that we will not suffer on the contrary, he may allow us to be thrown into the fire but He promises to be there with us and that we will not be burned or destroyed.

Isaiah 43:2-3 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.”NIV

This is one of my favorite passages in the bible because it reminds us of God’s faithfulness, that He cares for us and is with us. It is because of God’s great love for us. God is faithful and He will do it.

Now let’s turn back to our original passage and look at the last scripture from 2 Corinthians 4:10 “Always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. “NIV

So how does this knowledge help us in depression? It helps us in everything not just depression but trials, tribulations, trauma, persecutions, in everything we go through.

“Always carrying about” in this passage is referring to perseverance by faith. To not give up, to continue moving forward, continue carrying on in spite of how you may feel, understanding that you have Christ living in you and interceding on your behalf, empowering you from the inside out to carry on in the midst of your trials.

If you are a born again Christian and never have thought about Christ living in your heart literally in this way please take some time to meditate on this truth and on His Word and ask God to help you receive this in your heart by faith. It lays a foundation in our hearts that it is God working in us and through us and it is not from us but God that no man can boast.

Col 1:27-29 “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. “NIV

I hope these biblical truths have given you much hope that you are not alone and that Christ is right there with you, living in you and through you. I will share in Part II next on how we can practically apply this knowledge and understanding to our personal life living through depression.
Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with Worry and Stress

Dealing with Worry and Stress
Have you been worried or stressed over something that is starting to affect you in more ways than one? There are many reasons we can easily be stressed or worried such as our finances, our relationships, our work; you name it and the worse part is it never seems to go away.

You are not alone, life in itself has enough worries of it's own, even in Matthew chapter 6 it says not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries for itself. I want to encourage you that there is hope for your situation and that your worries can be turned into peace if you will heed God's word about this very normal and common dilemma.

Let's look at what God's word says about this:

1. Do not worry: Telling someone not to worry is easier said than done. Take comfort in that Jesus understands what you are going through and shares in Matthew that we should not worry because our Heavenly Father is faithful to provide for His children. (Read Matthew 6:25-30)

2. Pray your Petitions to God: Taking our worries and concerns to God can be the best thing you could ever do. The bible says to come to Him and make your requests known to God with assurance that He hears the cries of His children. (Read Phillipians 4;6-7)

3. Come to Jesus: When we are at our worst God is at His best, come to Christ and allow Him to take your burdens and lighten your load. You can be honest with God in prayer, vent to Him, cry to Him and then ask God to take your burdens and believe that He is faithful and He will do it.(Read Matthew Read 11:28-30 )

4. Cast Your Cares Upon Him: Cast means to cast off or take off and in this passage it means to cast off your cares to Him, give them over to God and allow him to take them from you, because He cares for you. (Read 1 Peter 5:7)

5. Stay Focused on Him: As you are giving your burdens over to God you can now re=focus your mind and heart back onto Him and off of your troubles, trusting that God is going to take care of you. When you do you will receive His peace in return. (Read Isaiah 26; 3)

6. Trust Him: Remember that the bible says that Jesus is our peace, and we can put our trust in Him to not only take our burdens but to carry them. Once you give them over to God be sure that you don't take them back. Put it in His capable hands and leave it there!(Isaiah 26:4 )

Trust in Him that He is faithful and that He will do it. Release it to God and then praise Him and thank Him for being so good to you. God is sovereign, He is still on the throne and in total control. Allow Him to be on the throne of your heart and He will give you much peace in return and so much more.

Personal Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,When I am worried or stressed, help me to take my eyes off of my situation and re-focus back on you. Help me to trust you and give you my burdens and not take them up again and fill me with your peace that transcends all understanding so that I can rest again and be refreshed. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers because you care for me. Amen

Dealing with Grief and Loss

Allow Yourself to Grieve

There is a great confusion about what is considered grief and loss these days, unfortunately the miss-understanding of grief and loss leaves people feeling depressed, anxiety filled and alone and they don’t understand what’s happening to them.

I remember when I lost my father six years ago, a month later I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn’t think straight, my thoughts were all jumbled and didn’t know what was going on. A friend of mine who also counsels explained to me that it was part of the grieving process and I was comforted to know I wasn’t losing my mind, at least not yet

Hopefully this article will help give you more insight to this very common issue. Experiencing grief and loss can cover a gamut of situations such as; loss of a loved one, loss of a family pet, loss of a job, loss of a friendship, loss of a marriage through divorce, loss of a limb or health problems or illnesses, loss of trust in your spouse through infidelity.

As a society I don’t believe we realize how common experiencing grief and loss is and that it happens more often than people understand. I put together some basics on how to deal with grief and loss practically.

Here they are as follows:

Sit at the Lord’s Feet: As a Christian, we need to keep in mind that apart from Him we can do nothing. God is our physician, our healer, our comforter, our provider and He is faithful. Stay near to God and allow Him to minister to you through his Word, His love, His Spirit and His people.

Talk to Someone: As I said earlier, talking it out sometimes is the best medicine. It helps you to get out what you are feeling inside , helps your mind to process what happened or what you are feeling and it is also a form of release for your feelings and emotions. Talking about your situation or your feelings will help you to heal healthier and in most cases quicker.

Allow Yourself to Grieve: Don’t try to shut out the grief, but allow yourself permission to grieve and remember that it is not only okay but necessary for healing to take place. Shutting it off or out only hinders the process and can cause internal problems physically and spiritually if left not dealt with.

Don’t Fight the Process: Look online for the list of the grieving process and allow yourself to go through each process. Educate yourself. Fighting it or trying to “make” yourself okay doesn’t help you but hurts you in the end and can also prolong the healing. Your body goes through this process for a reason and you need to work through it.

Don’t Rush It: Trying to rush the grieving process doesn’t work so don’t rush yourself or give yourself a day and time for it to be over. It takes time to heal so allow your self that time. Also the other extreme is not healthy either when you take too long and can’t let go. If you think you are taking too long or trying to rush it, seek counsel about where you are and get professional counsel on your progress.

Join a Grief Support Group: There are now many grief classes and support groups county wide. I know people who have gone through the support groups and classes and they said they loved the support and the encouragement. You can meet others who are going through similar issues as you are and you can encourage each other. I highly recommend it!

Get Time Out: Get out of the house when you can and visit a friend or family member, take a night out and walk, go for a drive and don’t isolate yourself. Getting out with people can also take your mind off of your situation for a time and give you a break it also can help prevent isolation and deep depression.

Be Accountable: Ask a friend or family member to be accountable with you to check on you as you are going through the grief process. Have them call you every so often just to see how you are doing and call them whenever you really need someone to talk to or are going through a rough day or evening.

Take One Day at a Time: Take each day as it comes, every day is a new day and each day has its own adventure. Try not to think too far ahead, it can easily lead into anxiety or like me have jumbled thoughts. Focus on the task at hand and don’t worry about tomorrow.

Expect The Un-Expected: Keep in mind that you will have good days and bad days and feelings and emotions can change from one day to the next so don’t be surprised if one day you feel great and the next day you feel as though it happened yesterday. It’s just one of those things that happen and I can’t explain why but it does.

Keep Moving Forward: It is important that you take time out to grieve, it is also important to keep moving forward in your life. There is a tendency to shut down or want to quit everything but the reality is, it will only hurt you in the end if all you do is isolate yourself even more. Remember that you still have loved ones in your life that need you and that your life is still worth living not just for yourself and your family but also for God. Jeremiah 29:11 Says, I know the plans that I have for you.”

One more thing, as you go through the grieving process remember that you are not alone, that God is right there with you comforting you and interceding for you on your behalf. The bible says that as you draw near to God He will draw near to you.

You also have family and friends that care about you and want to be there for you so allow them to minister, comfort and encourage you during this time.

I hope these tips will help give you some insight into the process of grief and loss and encourage you to know that it’s okay to grieve and that true strength comes when we are at our weakest. The bible says when we are weak than we are strong because the power of God rests upon us during those times. Allow God to be your strength. May God bless you!

Scripture References:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

Heb 4:15-16 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Ps 119:76-77 “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.” NIV

Dealing with Anger

The definition of anger is; an intense emotional state or feeling that is induced by displeasure.

Anger is an emotion that we are born with. There isn’t anyone in the world that doesn’t experience anger. Even babies when they don’t get fed right away become angry. So the idea of becoming angry is not wrong or a sin. It’s how we handle our anger and where it stems from that makes all the difference.

Even Jesus displayed anger when he chased the money changers out of the temple. His anger was called righteous indignation which means to have an anger that is righteous over unjust, mean or wickedness.

The unfortunate reality for us is that our anger is usually not righteous indignation but self displeasure. When this emotion becomes explosive, volatile, and abusive there is cause for alarm and to be concerned.

The bible also says to be angry but sin not. In other words we will become angry at times but if we explode, take it out on others, or hold it in or against another because of resentment it turns into sin and the result is sinful and volatile behavior.

If you or anyone you know has an anger issue that includes the list above I highly recommend seeing a counselor, pastor or therapist and recommend you taking an anger management class. Explosive and volatile behavior not only affects you but others and can easily be turned into verbal or physical abuse if not dealt with.

I encourage you to talk to someone because an anger problem usually stems from a deeper root of something else that needs to be identified and dealt with before it get’s worse.

On a good note I want to encourage you that there is hope and if you are struggling with anger, I believe if you are willing to take the steps to address this head on, you have a good chance of being relieved, restored and healed. The key is to be willing to do whatever you need to do to rectify the problem.

When I counsel my main objective is to always find out what is at the heart of the matter. What is at the root of it all and also to see the bigger picture of what is really going on.

I do this because many times people will come in and share with me their problems and the truth is their problems they are discussing with me are usually results or symptoms of a deeper issue and all they can see is the surface level of where they are at that moment.

That is why I highly recommend talking to someone who can give you godly and professional counsel to help you get down to the core of where the anger is stemming from.

Here are some helpful tools to get you started in the right direction when it comes to dealing with anger.

Pray: Pray before during and after and pray for God to reveal the core issue at hand and once you find the core root of the anger ask God to help you deal with the root issue and to pull that root out and bring healing. There is usually an un-dealt issue at the core of an anger issue and you need God’s help to deal with that truth.

Measure Your Intensity: On a scale of 1-10 measure how angry you are getting.

Measure Your Consistency: Take note of how consistent and how often you get angry. Also when did the intense anger begin? Making note of time and perhaps month or year. Narrowing it down to a specific occasion or occurrence will usually lead you to the answer.

Identify Your Triggers: Take note of the occasion(s) you become angry looking at what sets you off. One thing or many things and are they related?

Try to find the Root or Cause: Once you have done the first four steps try to find the relation between them and narrow down what the root or cause might be. For example: One woman said her behavior changed around the month of November just six months prior. When she recalled what happened around that time, she realized that the month before her closest friend passed away. That unveiled to the both of us that she was grieving and she didn’t realize it.

Be willing to Look Soberly: Be willing to look at your heart and situation sober minded. In other words be realistic with yourself on why you are becoming angry or volatile. Be willing to face the facts and do what you need to do to restore your healing and alleviate whatever issue is at the root of it.

Address the Root Cause: Be willing to deal with the core root issue head on. If it is un-forgiveness, resentment, guilt, grief, trauma, whatever it might be, it’s important to take the steps to deal with it head on, especially if you know what the cause of your anger and unhappiness is. Until you are willing to deal with the issue it will never change or go away and in fact will get worse.

Talk to a Professional: If the core root is too hard for you to handle on your own, it’s important to seek out counsel. Either professional counseling or pastoral care counseling. You can then find out more information on anger management to help give you more direction and guidance on dealing with the issue and how to manage your anger practically.

Make Alternative Choices: As you are seeking counsel, be more conscience of your anger and make some decisions on how to respond to your trigger situations rather than react. For example if your trigger is someone being sarcastic with you, make a decision to walk away when it happens. Prepare yourself and think of alternative scenarios to deviate from a confrontation or blow up.

Take Action Steps: As you find out what the core issue is and you get godly counsel or professional counsel, continue to take the necessary steps to carry it out and follow through until the core or root is taken out and keep in mind that this process does not happen over night.

Other sources of anger that I haven’t mentioned could also be medications. If you are taking prescribed medications, there is a good chance that the medicine may be playing a part in it. Also your age might be included in that, especially if you are menopausal or hormonal. Don't take my word for it, please see a doctor for their evaulation.

There may not be one thing but several issues that may be playing a role in this and the most important tip here is to try to find out what it is.

If you think you might be dealing with unforgiveness, bitterness, or disapointment you can also read those topics here, "Dealing with Unforgiveness and Bitterness" and "Dealing with Disappointment" on my website. Take a look at the topics on my counseling page to see if there are any other topics that may help.

Always remember that you are not alone, God is right there to help you if you are willing to allow Him to do that. Allow God to heal you and restore you and allow Him to draw closer to you by spending quality time with Jesus. If you would like to know more about drawing closer to God you can click on my website and read my testimony page. Please read the following passages to see what the bible says about anger.

Scripture References:


Eph 4:26-28 "In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. “NIV

James 1:20-21 “for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” NIV

Psalms 4:4 “ In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. “NIV

Gal 5:16-26 “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”

Gal 5:22-26 “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” NIV

Dealing with Disappointment

Phil. 4:8-9
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." NKJV

I can share a personal experience with you to help you understand what disappointment can mean and also how it can affect you personally, deeper than you know.
A couple years ago when we were church planting a brand new church in San Diego , we promoted it a lot – inviting all of our family and friends. For our grand opening church service, we had over 100 people in attendance! It was a wonderful day and it turned out better than we could have expected.

My husband and I were definitely on a spiritual high, feeling victory that our church plant was going smoothly, with no problems. NOT! The following Sunday our church attendance was down to nine people - all of them being part of the team that came with us.

Needless to say, my husband seemed fine but I was disappointed. I felt defeated and it was only the second formal Sunday of our church plant! At that moment, I didn’t know how to feel. I’m sure many of you have been there - you are left with two choices; give up or move on. We chose to move forward by faith. We believe God called us to this work, and whether there is one person or 1,000 people, if God has called us we need to be obedient to Him.

Our faith kept us going. I am happy to report our church is growing and thriving. Praise the Lord! Had we quit, we would not be seeing the blessings we are now seeing. We have learned some valuable lesson through all of it.

My problem was having unrealistic expectations. I thought it would be a piece of cake to start a church plant and that it would just grow magically. I learned a valuable lesson: my expectations were not based on fact or reality, but on my own thoughts and opinions. That was a hard lesson but it opened my eyes. I realized I needed to view my situation through God's point of view, rather than my own. 1 Corinthians 3:6 says, "I planted, Apollos watered but God gave the increase." I needed to see that God was going to bring the increase in His time and not mine because His ways are not our ways. He most definitely brought the increase!

The definition for disappointment is: “The state of having a feeling or emotion of being defeated in an expectation or a hope.” Looking at this definition helps us learn how to deal with disappointment. What does this say? It's a state of having a feeling or an emotion. In what? An expectation or a hope. So here we see the root of disappointment stems from our expectations. I put together some tips on how to deal with disappointment and hope it helps you as it did me.

Re-evaluate your expectations: Are your expectations realistic? Are they based on biblical truths that help bring in the balance such as: whatsoever things are true, noble, just, lovely, etc. Or, are they un-realistic and un-biblical, setting you up for disappointment? Having expectations that are un-realistic and without a foundation from God's Word will disappoint you every time.

Be willing to drop some expectations: There are some expectations that are not worth having at all. As you look again at your situation, be honest and ask yourself if you are having an expectation that is un-biblical, selfish, or unrealistic. If so, you are only hurting yourself by keeping them and should let them go. Pray and ask God to help you see your situation through His eyes and to help you let them go if you need to.

Be flexible: Learn from your mistakes. Be willing to change your point of view about your situation into one that is realistic and balanced with scriptures that consider the good as well as the bad. Keep in mind what matters most. The word "repent" means to change your mind and go in the other direction. Pray and ask God if you need to repent and then ask God to help you drop those expectations which are keeping you down so you can move forward by faith, without being hindered or weighed down by your expectations.

One of the first exercises my husband and I give to couples in pre-marital counseling is to write down all of their expectations about the other person. Then we have them read their list out loud and then tear it up and throw the list away. People don’t like this exercise very much because it forces them to get rid of their expectations of the other person. But it is an important lesson to learn and could save them a lot of grief after they get married. We use this exercise because it is normal for every person to have an ideal spouse in their mind - what they will be like and how they will act. Those ideals can come from their upbringing, what they have learned along the way, what they see on television, or by what they have read as to what a spouse is supposed to be like and act like. They then naturally bring those expectations into their marriage and right away they become immediately disappointed when their expectations are not being met.

Unfortunately, disappointment due to unrealistic expectations happens a lot in marriage. It is much more common than people realize. These newly married people wonder why they are having arguments and problems in the first year of their marriage.

Sometimes when I counsel women who go through similar issues, I find they put expectations on others because of the way they view themselves. I tell them to not be so hard on themselves and they won’t be so hard on others. It’s a trickle-down effect that occurs when people place hard or unrealistic expectations on themselves and then will naturally place those same expectations on others.

The worst part of this scenario is when a person is working extra hard to fulfill these unrealistic expectations for themselves, they expect others to do it too, and they are constantly disappointed when others are not fulfilling their part. All the while, they themselves are suffering on the inside.

When this chain of events begins, disappointment turns into resentment and resentment will turn into bitterness, if they don't change their point of view. So in this scenario, re-evaluate your own expectations and ask yourself if they are condemning, unrealistic, and/or unbiblical. Romans 8:1 says, "There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh but walk according to the spirit." Ask yourself if you need to let go of these expectations so you can be freed from your own disappointment and not place those same burdensome expectations on others.

We encourage couples to not go into their marriage carrying expectations of their spouse. Rather, we suggest they get to know and accept their spouse for who they are and work together in accomplishing their goals and dreams together, using the gifts and talents they both have.

Don’t get me wrong - we also go over the biblical roles of the husband and the roles of the wife with these couples. They are not to confuse responsibilities given by God to fulfill their role as husband or wife with “personal” expectations. It’s important to know the difference.

My husband always says, “If you don’t have expectations, you won’t be disappointed.” It’s true. We deal with our ministry the same way. It is what it is and we have to be willing to work with what we have to make it better and not focus on what it isn’t or what we don’t have, but enjoy and be blessed with what God is doing.

The only expectation we have now is that God is faithful and He will do it. It may not be how we expect Him to or when we expect Him to do it, but He does it in His perfect way and in His perfect time. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways!

So if you are dealing with disappointment, take a moment to evaluate your expectations. Be willing to make the necessary changes to lift anything that may be keeping you down or others down. Sometimes our worst enemy is our own self. I hope these helps will give you something to work with when dealing with disappointment.

Filoiann is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor and Bible Teacher. Her work can be found on a number of home business and Christian websites and blogs. http://www.filoiannwiedenhoff.com/

Dealing with the New Year!

Dealing with the New Year
As a New Season!

Philippians 3:12-14
“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” NIV

As Christmas comes to an end we anxiously await the words “Happy New Year!” My best friend and I have this tradition we do every year for the last five years usually around the end of December. We go to our favorite beach spot, where we talk and pray about the past year and look ahead to the New Year.

We ponder and discuss all the interesting occurrences that happened the past year; the good times, the bad times, the frustrating times and also the fun times. We share what valuable lessons we learned from our experiences, what God showed us and how He was faithful through all of it

We do this as a closure to one year and then an opening to the next. After we have laughed a while and then cried, we begin to look forward with great excitement, wondering what God has for us this coming new year. What new experiences will we go through and what new lessons will we learn. It’s all fresh and new and that is exciting.

In doing this I believe it helps us to view each year as a season, understanding that God is Sovereign and has new seasons of experiences and growth to make us more like Christ. I can testify there were times we went through seasons of grief and there were also times we experienced seasons of joy.

It helps me to remember that God is in total control and that we are constantly growing as His children and that He knows the plans He has for us. Plans of new wisdom, insight and understanding that He wants to impart to us, if we will allow Him to.

It also gives us a fresh new outlook of the coming year and enables us to leave the past where it belongs, not that we forget the past but learn from it and move forward into our present future with opened hearts and minds to receive whatever God has for us.

With that said, I put together eight ways we can view the New Year and every year as.

A Year of:

New Beginnings: Start out the New Year with a fresh point of view to new experiences, memories and blessings. Having an opened mind and heart to where ever the Lord may take you with full assurance and confidence that He is with you. (Matthew 28:19-20)

New Possibilities: There’s no limit to what God can do in your life and nothing is impossible with God. God opens doors that no man can shut and also closes doors that no man can open. The possibilities are endless with God that is according to His will. (Philippians 4:13)

New Plans: Every year is a new season, be prayerful of what God has planned for you and be willing to walk by faith in obedience as you follow His leading. Remember that His plans are always for good and not for evil to give you a future and a Hope. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

New Purpose: As you forge ahead, God always has a plan and a purpose for what you will go through and experience. Remember that God always has a reason for what He allows in your life and through it you can trust Him completely. (Proverbs 1:3-5)

New Provisions: The bible says to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of it’s own. Trust in your Heavenly Father who knows everything you need, who is your God and your Provider. He is faithful and He will do it. (Matthew 6:1-33)

New Growth: When we are willing to let go and let God work in us and through us, He will always stretch us and grow us. It is an important part of the growth process. Continue to grow in your relationship with Him and in His Word. Pray for God to mold you and make you pliable in the potters hand and then watch the master craftsman work on His masterpiece; which is you!

New Wisdom: With new experiences and new lessons come new wisdom and insight. Always make it a priority to seek out wisdom as hidden treasure or fine gold. In Proverbs it says that it will be like a garland of grace around your neck and honor you and present you with a crown of splendor. (Proverbs 4:7-9)

Renewed Peace: As you go through new experiences and new adventures whether they are good or bad, my encouragement is to keep your eyes fixed on Christ and He will give you rest and peace, because He is our peace and loves you and cares for you deeply. (John 16:33)

Keep in mind that if even the wicked give good gifts to their children how much more will your Heavenly Father give to those that ask Him? (Matthew 7:7-11) Let us give thanks to the Lord for getting us through another year as we look forward to what He has for us up ahead and praise Him that He is faithful and worthy to be praised!

Our God is an Awesome God
Who Reigns on Heaven and Earth
With Wisdom Power and Love
Our God is an Awesome God!

May the Lord bless you and your family with a blessed New Year!


Filoiann Wiedenhoff is a Pastor's Wife, Work at Home Mom, Woman's Biblical Counselor, Bible Teacher and Writer. You can view her website at http://filoiannwiedenhoff.com/